The Declaration of the disUnited Ham Eaters of the United States
We hold these truths to be self evident, that all People are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Prosciutto of Happiness. That to secure these rights, ham makers are instituted among People, deriving their just respect from the tastes of the eaters — that whenever any ham maker becomes less preferred by the eaters, it is the right of the eaters to choose another, and to prefer another, basing their decision on what they like, not a name or a tradition. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that prudence is not a factor for ham eaters, deliciousness is. It is the right, the duty, the honor of the ham makers to expose new, real, local sources of ham deliciousness, made from the exceptional wholesomeness and bounty of our Homeland.
Such is now the duty of these ham eaters — to move beyond the traditional sources of ham deliciousness, to embrace independent American artisanal sources, and to declare their own Ham Independence!
To this end, we pledge our appetites, our food budgets, and our enduring commitment to deliciousness…